Cheep Trills

Life has been very hectic lately - getting the chicks settled into the new house up in Vancouver, becoming adjusted to the recent purchase of my company with the uncertainties that accompany this, and learning of my friend's recent layoff from his company in the same industry.  Never good news but now in the current economic situation this is particularly distressful.  I look in the mirror and chant my faith-mantra "God loves us and he will provide.  Put your faith in the Lord."  And so I continue and as always my days reflect God's blessings in big ways and small.

In this light I was blessed in a large way this past Saturday.  Our band was fortunate to play for a church fundraiser. (Yes, it's crab-feed time in Sonoma county.  Every group has been holding crab feeds this month.)  Our band is a mixture of gray-hairs and young chicks who all love old-time (and not so old) rock & roll.  We all have our talents so are fortunate to have equal opportunites to solo as well as contribute harmonies or make music.  This gives us the opportunity to perform music from a variety of groups and styles, and in my opinion makes us more interesting.

In the crowd were friends and acquaintences from church who are also muscians and music ministers.  Their presence as potential critics (human nature being what it is) spurred me to give even more than I usually do and I think gave an extra edge to the talent that God graced me with.  So I sang my heart out, as did my fellow band members, and oh, I cannot tell you what a pleasure it was!  All the worries and fears faded away for a few hours in the pure joy of this.  The icing on the cake was to look out over the crowded room and see the smiles on people's faces, the feet tapping as they listened, and best of all  - seeing them sing along on the old favorites as they enjoyed themselves.

When all was ended and the equipment packed up and hauled away I sat by myself quietly and reflected what a gift from God the evening was, and what a precious gift he gave to me.

As a young chick I loved to sing but never had the courage to step forward and try it.  It was not until I married and had young chicks of my own that the Lord literally led me to the first choir and gave me a proverbial kick in the pants.  Look, He told me, I didn't give you this gift to hide under a bushel - I gave it to you to use.  So I took my first timid chirps in that choir, singing beside ministers who became good friends, and learned to love the music of the eucharist.  These special friends helped me hone my talent until finally I stepped up to the microphone alone for the first time to sing before the congregation.  Pure terror!  With a deep breath I warbled away, and have not stopped since.  With God's help my voice became more sure, and always I stepped up to the microphone, closed my eyes, and said a prayer that He would use my voice to move His people to truely hear His words.  I like to think that some people did truely hear, or were comforted by the music that they heard.  And I always felt (and still feel) that no matter how much I sing outside of church my talent is never as great as when I use it to minister for the Lord.

And now, with my friends in the band, I have been given this gift, this opportunity to sing my heart out and receive such such a reward in the doing.  I do not deserve this gift but oh, how I treasure it.  I only hope that I am worthy of His blessings, and I pray that He will give me many years to be able to use His gift to glorify Him and spread His word.

Tired Wings

I am definitely feeling like a tired little gray wren tonight; I have been dealing with the unpleasant effects of the flu and my energy level and my spirits are definitely low. So it was a very pleasant surprise when I clicked on a YouTube link sent to me by the daughter of my heart. (I am very blessed to have 3 very special daughters: one of my blood - my firstborn; one by marriage to my husband; and one of my heart who has been a special light in my life for about 15 years now.)

This link (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_4qwVLqt9Q ) took me to a speech written by author Kelly Corrigan and reflected her thoughts about women of special strength. It focused on the strength we draw from our friends; our sisters in life's experiences and how we are able to get through the roughest parts of life because of the love and support of these women as well as how these friendships endure throughout one' life. When the video was finished I sat quietly for a couple of minutes and reflected upon the women in my life.

I am by nature a very solitary bird, one who does not tend to be part of a flock. And yet I need "sisters" in my life to draw upon, but who exactly are these women of strength? I have a wonderful husband/friend, good friends at work, and good friends outside of work, but who exactly are the women to whom I turn when life is at its worst or to who do I turn when I want to share certain special moments in my life? At that moment a memory flashed before me from the recent family vacation that had just occurred. And I saw my three beautiful daughters and myself sitting in the hotel room one night, sipping wine or whatever, and laughing until we had tears in our eyes, sharing personal experiences of childbirth, motherhood, womanhood. I realized that these three wonderful women were the special women of strength in my life. We have shared laughter, illness, births of children, loss of loved ones, job promotions, loss of jobs, success in our careers and families as well as failures, marriages, and divorces. I could not ask for better sisters to go through life with. Our daily lives are very different; we follow different life-paths and our ages put us at different life-phases, but when it comes to the things that really matter most in life we are there for each other. While our friendships came about because of the ties of family it is not simply family ties that bind us. Rather it is understanding (and laughing about, and crying about) the shared experiences of simply being a woman. I am truely blessed to know these women of strength.

No matter how tired my wings may get I know I have only to call upon one of my sisters and I will be lifted up into a better place.

Disharmony

There are, of course, many basic values and beliefs that underscore my life-song. First and foremost is religion, more specifically my Christian faith.

I am a Roman Catholic, or what is sometimes referred to as a "cradle catholic". My belief in Jesus Christ as well as some of the fundamental beliefs of the Roman Catholic church, like the celebration of the Eucharist and the concept of the Holy Trinity, is integral to who I am. And yet, when compared to my RC friends (and fellow band members - we all met in church choir) I am judged and found to be lacking, not truly worthy to call myself a Catholic. I have dared to question the dictates of Rome, and criticized the unpardonable abuse of innocents that occurred under the mantle of the priesthood. I have questioned decisions that were made by popes in the history of the Church, and pointed out that the decrees set forth in the name of the Lord were in fact decrees dictated by the weaknesses and greed of the men who used His name to further their personal agendas.

But I think the greatest fault of which I am guilty in the eyes of my fellow RC's is that I don't believe that Roman Catholicism is the only true faith. I have been blessed with many good friends in this life: they wear the labels of many different Christian religions, but they are all united in their belief in the law of the Lord, the love of Him, and the inevitable judgement day that will come to us all, regardless of what and how we call each other. I simply can not believe that the good Lord would create all these people, shower them with His love, and then simply abandon them on the day when the last trumpet blows. How can we condem those who we love to be denied everlasting life with Him just to satisfy a religious ego that demands satisfaction by excluding any and all who do not wear the Roman Catholic badge?

I find it very sad that when my friends in the band gather together with me to practice they carefully tiptoe around me lest they trigger dialog that will go against the belief that if faith is not expressed solely in the Roman Catholic fashion then it cannot be true Faith. I am saddened that our friendship is limited by these beliefs. There exists a line in the sand that I will not cross; therefore I will never truely be accepted within my chosen Church.

My true friends worship God in many different arenas: some call themselves Episcopal, Lutheran, Methodist, Fundamentalist; some do not worship a Christian faith; a few are Roman Catholic, yet their faith and belief in one great Power who judges us all and sets basic life values is not any different than mine. I am blessed to know these people, and blessed to share my basic Faith with them all.

Prelude

As many others have written so also do I:  with the start of a new year I start a new blog.  Will it last through the coming weeks and months?  Will I review my posts and wonder what made me think I could do such a thing?  Only time will tell.

This New Year 2009 is a new year in many ways for myself and family.  I have returned home from a unique experience: 5 entire days with my husband and extended family.  No computer distractions, electronic games, or news programs on the television.  Just my husband, another wonderful mother, and myself, our children, and our grandchildren together in a cabin up in the mountains.  Sun and snow to revel in during the day and meals and games to share together in the evenings.  The memories are precious to me - I hope that the younger generations also carry away memories of special moments spent with their family.  Hopefully they have also carried away a better understanding of their sisters and brothers, both by blood and by marriage.  We are truely a blended family mix now, with wonderful stories and experiences to share.  As diverse as our backgrounds, religious, and political beliefs are we still share the ties of love that bind a family together.

This brief family vacation was a much-needed injection of fun, laughter, and of course, stress that serves as a prelude to a year that will be full of many changes, good and bad, for family members in the unfolding year.  These first brief notes will hopefully serve as a prelude to the song of our lives to come.