Day at the Fair

Cody, Aimee and Erin at the 2009 Antioch Fair.
To see larger photos go to this link:
http://www.fototime.com/inv/EBE9C994F6FE4DE

In the moment

So what exactly does it mean to be in the moment? Definitions on the web define the phrase thusly: "In the moment can be an expanded awareness of the present moment and all the moment is defined by - the environment, the space, the time, the situation, the attitude, the entire scene." I had an experience today that makes me say "Yup, that about sums it up!"
Several days ago my nestmate (probably as a result of some not-so-gentle urging by me) purchased a pretty, bright blue second maxi-scooter for our nest. Today being a glorious, sunny, perfect, relaxing second day of three whole days of freedom from work, we joined up with some new friends on two wheels and took off for a ride through the Wine Country in the beautiful Sonoma countryside. Even though I have had my motorcyle license for a year now and have been riding the Gray Ghost to work and back (a whopping 7 miles each way) this was in my mind the first real ride by myself. We left home about 9:30 AM, motoring discretely up the Old Redwood Highway through the big town of Cotati (past the slightly disapproving eyes of the statue of the Accordion Player in the town square). A pause at the last stoplight in town, a deep breath, and then Zoom! Up onto the freeway and into the 65 mile-an-hour traffic headed north. After smoothly merging into the flow of cars and trucks and settling down to an easily maintained cruising speed two things occurred to me simutaneously - 1) I can do this! and 2) this is really fun!!
The rest of the day contined to roll along in the same fashion. We met our friends at the Chevron station just north of Santa Rosa and headed east into the wine country and up into the mountains that border the vineyards. The young lady who was the ride leader set a smooth pace up and down the winding roads, rolling past acres of vines looking green and fat with the promise of wine, and following roads overlooking gorgeous panoramas of the hills and valleys below. The sun was perfect, the temperature was perfect, the Ghost was running perfect, the turns flowed past perfectly and that's when I had my Aha! moment - at this one moment in my life I knew exactly what it is to really be "in the moment".
There will be more good rides in the future, in fact we are planning to take two weeks of vacation on our Burgies and ride from the home nest to the Vancouver, WA nest and back in early July. I am sure we will have lots of great experiences to remember and share, but this very special first ride, this experience of being totally in the moment, will always shine in my memory.

Unreasonable Expectations

Today being a rainy, cozy kind of day we decided to watch a movie after dinner. The mailman had brought the latest Netflix that we had requested: "Martian Child". I was a bit skeptical in the beginning but it only took 5 minutes of the movie for me to get hooked. Truly a well-made, well-acted movie. Towards the end there came a moment that totally rocked me - the main adult character, a successful writer of science fiction by trade, is chastised by his publisher with these words "why can't you be what we want you to be?"!!
In a flash I was a child again, and then a teenager, and, of course, a young wife and mother. How many times in my life have I heard these words in one form or another "be what we want you to be"? Always they left me wondering - what is wrong with the way I am? Why must I try to conform to an image that is so not me? Is the me I am so unlovable?
I think I have always been a bit of a Martian child. I have always struggled to fit in, but always really felt on the edge of the crowd, slightly outside of the norm, able to don a cloak and fit in the scene for brief periods of time but happier to be by myself on the whole.
Age has brought me, if not wisdom, then at least the ability to be content with myself and no longer so anxious to please others. If only I had been able to be content with myself when younger. (It helps, too, that my nestmate loves me as I am, including oddities and imperfections.)
I hope that my chicks do not also carry this unwelcome baggage through their own lives. God constructs each one of us as unique individuals; we are all lovable just the way we are, for our own special gifts and talents. If God loves us, as He does without question, then it is not for others to withhold their love and approval in an attempt to mold us to satisfy their own needs.

Faith hiding in the leaves

My nestmate corresponds from time to time with a good friend from long ago, from a time when they were fledgelings and life was young and full of promise. With the passage of time their lives moved in different directions and for many years their communication was lost. During this period they both underwent many joyful, positive experiences, as well as many sad changes and trials in their lives, so today they share these events with each other. Now, one of the beautiful things about my nestmate that drew me to him in the first place is his solid faith in God. This is a precious characteristic to have, without which one's life is empty indeed. No matter how bad things have gone or may go, with faith to support a person anything is possible. With this faith goes the belief that God forgives us all sins provided we truely are repentant for them. How bleak life would be if there was no glimmer of light at the end of that long dark tunnel.

So his friend asked the question, "how do you keep your faith?" in the face of all the worst things that are thrown against you: divorce, death of loved ones, substance abuse, ill-health, loss of one's job, children who grow away from you. The list can seem endless and overwhelming if there is no platform of faith to support one and despair is the end result.

These obstacles are not unique to my nestmate or his friend - they are strewn along everyone's path like rocks and boulders for one to dodge or trip over. Everyone has a different means of keeping the faith while treading carefully through the narrow paths. So I asked myself - how do I support my faith and keep it strong as I trip over my rocks and boulders? I had never really thought about it before; I just took this faith for granted, but I realize now that to keep one's faith strong one has to be willing to work to strengthen it. Of course there are many different ways for everyone who looks, but I find that I have come to surround myself with friends who also have a deep abiding faith in God. I have mentioned before that these friends wear different religious labels but share the same conviction that through faith we will all reach that promised light. These friends console me and lift my spirit up when I trip over my rocks; they pray for me and with me, even when I do not reach out and ask them to do so. Though I do not read the bible as I should I am comforted and exhorted by the words of those friends who do read and who share what they learn with me and cause me to think about the teachings that truely matter. Some of these friends do not share their private beliefs with me through conversations but instead they blend their voices with mine to bring life to the beautiful songs that rise up to the heavens; we create a powerful tapestry of faith through song to support and sustain our fellow parishoners as well as ourselves.

Faith is God's gift to us all to sustain us and should not be taken for granted. Just as the most solid of structures will eventually be eroded away by rain and fire and wind so will our faith be eroded away by life's trials and misfortunes unless one continuously works to reinforce this gift. If you look around you and open yourself to those who are filled with faith you will surround yourself with the reinforcement needed to protect your fortress.

Reflections of God's Glory

It seems to me that much of our daily life is spent in the struggle just to get from point A to point B. I get up, let the dogs out, get my first cup of coffee, dress, apply makeup and fix hair, kiss my hubby good-bye and zoom out the door in a little over one hour. Upon arriving at work I boot up the computer, grab the second of many daily cups of coffee, start filtering e-mails and basically complete the workday routines (I call myself the Human Router). Life narrows down to a very narrow tunnel. Now I know, as I am gently but effectively reminded by my friend “T B” that the bible teaches us that in order to attain everlasting life in heaven we must live our earthly lives solely to glorify our Lord. Not by bringing glory to ourselves, our employers, or even to our loved ones, but by glorifying our Lord. The many ways we have been given to accomplish this are set out in the Bible if we but take the time to follow them. But for me at least the everyday routines of my life completely obscure this one simple but critical directive. So it was a beautiful surprise recently to realize yet again that He gives us the tools we need to bring our focus back to His real purpose - to recognize and know God in our very hearts; our inner core.
My nest-mate and I had the fortuitous opportunity to have lunch with a new friend. This man has been instrumental in the accomplishment of a major project for our new home in Vancouver WA. We already knew from conversations with him over the telephone that he was a man of integrity who took pride in seeing a job well-done and honoring his committments. What we learned of him over lunch was a glimpse of a man who has truly seen the Lord and lives his daily life together with his wife in a manner designed to give glory to God and thanks for the blessings he has been given. This man and his wife, from a sense of responsibility and rightness, took in to their home a child who came from a terrible home situation, came to love this little boy, and now are in the process of adopting him. His comment was so simple and so profound "we prayed over this and the decision was obvious". The quiet steadfast faith that the Lord would guide this man to live his life to glorify Him moved me. There was no question of bringing glory to himself by these actions.It is easy to look around at all the beauty that surrounds us in the seasons and say Ah, here is proof of the glory of the Lord. It is much harder to look in to the soul and find equal beauty. I do not think my soul would stand up to such a scrutiny as did the soul of this friend and his wife.

Cheep Trills

Life has been very hectic lately - getting the chicks settled into the new house up in Vancouver, becoming adjusted to the recent purchase of my company with the uncertainties that accompany this, and learning of my friend's recent layoff from his company in the same industry.  Never good news but now in the current economic situation this is particularly distressful.  I look in the mirror and chant my faith-mantra "God loves us and he will provide.  Put your faith in the Lord."  And so I continue and as always my days reflect God's blessings in big ways and small.

In this light I was blessed in a large way this past Saturday.  Our band was fortunate to play for a church fundraiser. (Yes, it's crab-feed time in Sonoma county.  Every group has been holding crab feeds this month.)  Our band is a mixture of gray-hairs and young chicks who all love old-time (and not so old) rock & roll.  We all have our talents so are fortunate to have equal opportunites to solo as well as contribute harmonies or make music.  This gives us the opportunity to perform music from a variety of groups and styles, and in my opinion makes us more interesting.

In the crowd were friends and acquaintences from church who are also muscians and music ministers.  Their presence as potential critics (human nature being what it is) spurred me to give even more than I usually do and I think gave an extra edge to the talent that God graced me with.  So I sang my heart out, as did my fellow band members, and oh, I cannot tell you what a pleasure it was!  All the worries and fears faded away for a few hours in the pure joy of this.  The icing on the cake was to look out over the crowded room and see the smiles on people's faces, the feet tapping as they listened, and best of all  - seeing them sing along on the old favorites as they enjoyed themselves.

When all was ended and the equipment packed up and hauled away I sat by myself quietly and reflected what a gift from God the evening was, and what a precious gift he gave to me.

As a young chick I loved to sing but never had the courage to step forward and try it.  It was not until I married and had young chicks of my own that the Lord literally led me to the first choir and gave me a proverbial kick in the pants.  Look, He told me, I didn't give you this gift to hide under a bushel - I gave it to you to use.  So I took my first timid chirps in that choir, singing beside ministers who became good friends, and learned to love the music of the eucharist.  These special friends helped me hone my talent until finally I stepped up to the microphone alone for the first time to sing before the congregation.  Pure terror!  With a deep breath I warbled away, and have not stopped since.  With God's help my voice became more sure, and always I stepped up to the microphone, closed my eyes, and said a prayer that He would use my voice to move His people to truely hear His words.  I like to think that some people did truely hear, or were comforted by the music that they heard.  And I always felt (and still feel) that no matter how much I sing outside of church my talent is never as great as when I use it to minister for the Lord.

And now, with my friends in the band, I have been given this gift, this opportunity to sing my heart out and receive such such a reward in the doing.  I do not deserve this gift but oh, how I treasure it.  I only hope that I am worthy of His blessings, and I pray that He will give me many years to be able to use His gift to glorify Him and spread His word.

Tired Wings

I am definitely feeling like a tired little gray wren tonight; I have been dealing with the unpleasant effects of the flu and my energy level and my spirits are definitely low. So it was a very pleasant surprise when I clicked on a YouTube link sent to me by the daughter of my heart. (I am very blessed to have 3 very special daughters: one of my blood - my firstborn; one by marriage to my husband; and one of my heart who has been a special light in my life for about 15 years now.)

This link (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_4qwVLqt9Q ) took me to a speech written by author Kelly Corrigan and reflected her thoughts about women of special strength. It focused on the strength we draw from our friends; our sisters in life's experiences and how we are able to get through the roughest parts of life because of the love and support of these women as well as how these friendships endure throughout one' life. When the video was finished I sat quietly for a couple of minutes and reflected upon the women in my life.

I am by nature a very solitary bird, one who does not tend to be part of a flock. And yet I need "sisters" in my life to draw upon, but who exactly are these women of strength? I have a wonderful husband/friend, good friends at work, and good friends outside of work, but who exactly are the women to whom I turn when life is at its worst or to who do I turn when I want to share certain special moments in my life? At that moment a memory flashed before me from the recent family vacation that had just occurred. And I saw my three beautiful daughters and myself sitting in the hotel room one night, sipping wine or whatever, and laughing until we had tears in our eyes, sharing personal experiences of childbirth, motherhood, womanhood. I realized that these three wonderful women were the special women of strength in my life. We have shared laughter, illness, births of children, loss of loved ones, job promotions, loss of jobs, success in our careers and families as well as failures, marriages, and divorces. I could not ask for better sisters to go through life with. Our daily lives are very different; we follow different life-paths and our ages put us at different life-phases, but when it comes to the things that really matter most in life we are there for each other. While our friendships came about because of the ties of family it is not simply family ties that bind us. Rather it is understanding (and laughing about, and crying about) the shared experiences of simply being a woman. I am truely blessed to know these women of strength.

No matter how tired my wings may get I know I have only to call upon one of my sisters and I will be lifted up into a better place.